Holiday One-shots
by Debwood-1999
Summary: A collection of one-shots from previous years, all in one convenient story! Story #7: Wrestlers plus cellphone plus the holiday spirit equals hilarity! Rating changed to M for language. FINISHED UNTIL NEXT YEAR!:)
1. Chapter 1

**NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: Couldn't really get inspired for anything Christmas-y this year, so I thought I'd put all my one-shots together in a big story. Hope you enjoy!**

_**Holiday One-shots  
By Debwood-1999**_

_**Story One - Christmas Wrapping**_

**This is a song-fic based on "Christmas Wrapping" by The Waitresses. Jeff/Adam fluffiness. Hope you likey!**

Bah, humbug!

Actually, that's a little harsh, because this really is my favorite holiday. But this year had gone by so fast, I really didn't have much energy left. I wasn't about to run myself into the ground just because it was 'tis the season and fa-la-la-la-la. The calendar was down to its last page, and I was excited, but I'd set my mind not to do too much about it. So everyone else could deck the halls, trim their trees and drink a few cups of egg nog, because I made the decision to spend Christmas by myself this year to relax and catch my breath.

It was a great Christmas present for myself, but what I really wanted was to reconnect with the hot guy I met while snowboarding in February with my best friend Shannon. I'd met Adam at the ski lodge while grabbing a bite to eat. He was gorgeous; tall, blonde wavy hair, megawatt smile. We'd hit it off, exchanged phone numbers and emails, and promised to keep in touch. I had Adam's number and email, but never the time, and that was pretty much the theme for the year.

The first time we'd tried to get together, it was in April, after we'd run into each other at the local coffee shop. Lunch sounded like a great idea, but neither of us could agree on when we were both free. Don't get me wrong, we tried. It was bad timing, and it didn't work out, but I knew we'd see each other again.

"Get this winter over with!" I grumbled to myself as I hardly dashed through the evergreens and sparkling snow on the way back to my house, after I'd run a few errands (mailing cards and packages, grocery shopping, etc.). I'd bundled up a little too tightly, and moving around was a challenge. I had a few last minute items on my to-do list, but I could easily take care of those at home.

I'd gotten plenty of invitations from other friends to various Christmas parties, but I'd politely turned them down, explaining that I'd already made plans, although I didn't get any more specific.

It was getting late, and it was growing colder. As I trudged on home to unwind and celebrate the season in my own quiet way, I wondered briefly if Adam would be going to a Christmas party. My mind traveled back to the last time we'd tried to get together. It was July, the middle of summer, and he invited me out to the beach with a couple of his friends. We'd actually decided on a time and place to meet up, and this was a trip I was really looking forward to.

Well, that didn't pan out either, and this time it was totally my fault. I'd been helping Shannon with some yard work the day before, and a combination of weed killer and sunlight caused a nasty case of sun poisoning which kept me in the house for three days- doctor's orders. At least Adam was nice enough to send me a get-well email that ended with, _Maybe next time! Love, Adam._

I sighed and shifted my grocery bags. The last time I had a night like this to myself was Halloween night, but that wasn't my choice. Shannon was taking me to a Halloween party, and the timing belt in his car snapped on the way to my place. This time it was, and I was going to do Christmas my way. A nice quiet dinner with my dog and a few Christmas movies.

Merry Christmas, everyone! But this year, I'm sitting this one out.

About an hour or two later, I was setting the table. I had the world's smallest turkey in the oven and a luscious looking chocolate cake in the fridge (both courtesy of the local SmartCo). Dinner would be ready in about an hour, and I mentally checked off my menu. Turkey, check. Mashed potatoes, check. Green bean casserole, check. Gravy, check. Stuffing, check. Dessert, check. Wait...something was missing.

I smacked myself on the forehead. "Oh damn! Guess what I forgot?"

After putting my dog in his crate, I pulled my boots back on, threw on a coat and trudged back out into the snow to the convenience store two blocks away. Lucky for me, it wasn't crowded (two people were ahead of me) and I got what I needed. As I stood in line, someone else popped in, grabbed a couple items, and got behind me. He tapped me on the shoulder, and I turned.

Our eyes met, and my jaw dropped in recognition. _"Adam?"_

Adam flashed his killer smile. "Jeff! Hi! Didn't expect to see you here! I thought you'd be at a party or something."

"Naahh. I've run myself ragged this year. Thought I'd spend this Christmas at home with my dog."

Adam nodded. "I know. I'm spending this one alone too. I need a break. Can you believe how crazy this year's been?"

"Me too, but what are you doing here?" I glanced down and noticed the items in Adam's shopping basket. "Oh...forgot the cranberries too?"

Adam smirked. "Wouldn't you know it?" We both laughed.

"Hey, listen," I suggested, after a brief pause. "Do you, uh...wanna come over to my place for Christmas Eve dinner tonight?"

Adam thought for a moment and said, "Well, I've already got a turkey waiting for me...but that doesn't mean we can both swing by my place and pick everything up and take it over to your place."

We couldn't stop the smiles that tugged across our lips, and at that moment, we both realized what was happening.

You see, Christmas has a certain magic to it that brings people together, even those who decide to spend it alone. And that magic brought this tale to a very happy ending.

Merry Christmas, everyone! I'm not gonna miss this one!

**NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: SmartCo is an actual grocery store chain in California. They recently closed down all their Colorado stores (BUMMER! it was my favorite place to shop), and I wanted to give them a little tip of the hat.**

**REVIEWS = LOVE**


	2. Chapter 2

**NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: Thanks so much for the kind reviews! Really makes me smile. BTW, I have a couple of multi-chapter holiday stories available for your reading enjoyment as well. The first one is _Mistletoe Kisses_, featuring my OC, Anna. The second one is _The Lot Across The Street, _which is my version of _The Shop Around The Corner _and _You've Got Mail,_ featuring Jay and Heath.**

_**Story Two - Another Auld Lang Syne**_

**Chris meets an old flame on Christmas Eve. Matticho, implied Matt/Jay and Chris/Evan. Song-fic based on the Dan Fogelberg classic.**

The snow was beginning to fall as Chris made his way to the grocery store on Christmas Eve. He had a few items to pick up, and the store was just a few blocks away from his house.

As he headed to the frozen foods to pick up a tub of Cool Whip, Chris noticed the tall figure standing in front of the standing cooler full of pies. He studied the figure closely, and his eyes lit up in recognition. Chris could recognize the tied-back spill of dark curls anywhere. Quietly, he stole behind the dark haired man and tugged gently on his sleeve.

The dark figure turned, and Chris recognized him immediately. Big dark eyes, round cheeks, a pencil-thin beard and full lips. But that couldn't be said of the dark man as he studied Chris's short, scruffy blonde hair, bright blue eyes and cocky smirk. It took him a little more time for the face to register. But then his eyes flew open wide. "Chris?"

"Matt!" Chris beamed.

"I can't believe it, it's been ages!" Matt went to hug his old lover, forgetting that he was holding a shopping basket. It tipped forward, sending a bag of frozen vegetables, a box of stuffing, and two cans of green beans tumbling to the floor. He glanced down sheepishly and started to laugh. "I'm so sorry, Chris. I'm such a klutz," he giggled as he knelt down to pick up the fallen items.

Chris knelt beside him "Naah, it's cool," he managed before dissolving into laughter himself. By the time he and Matt had picked up the fallen groceries and stood back up, they both had tears in their eyes from laughing so hard. Once he'd regained his composure, Chris asked, "I haven't seen you in nearly ten years. What brings you to this neck of the woods?"

"I'm just picking up a few last minute items for Christmas dinner," said Matt, as he placed a frozen pumpkin pie in his shopping basket. "We've got three more people coming over, and we've got to make sure there's enough food to go around."

Chris nodded, and accompanied Matt to the nearest checkout stand. "Same here. I did most of mine earlier in the day." He smirked and held up the tub of whipped topping. "Of course, you can never have too much of this."

Matt chuckled, and the two of them fell silent as the groceries were totaled up and put in bags. They felt lost in embarrassment as the light conversation ground to a halt.

Finally, Chris broke the silence. "Can I buy you a drink? Maybe we can sit down and catch up."

"That really sounds great, but it's Christmas Eve, most of the bars are probably closed by now."

"No worries. There's a liquor store next door that's still open. We'll just get a six pack. Nothing strong, because I don't think you'd wanna drive under the influence."

Matt's car was a comfortable black SUV with plenty of room. After putting the groceries in the tailgate (it was cold enough to keep them there for a little while, both he and Chris climbed in. The beer loosened their tongues, and it wasn't long before they both opened up.

A true vintage couple, Matt and Chris had been an item when they were both in high school, and eventually college, when being gay was still considered taboo. They'd flirted with each other at first, and once they realized how perfect they seemed to be with each other, the sparks truly flew. Matt was studying sports medicine and wanted to be a physical therapist. Chris was a musician and wanted to start his own band. They'd had their ups and downs, like every couple, but somehow they made it work all the way through their school years.

Once they'd graduated, however, life got in the way. Distance, careers and time restraints took their toll, and before long, they mutually called it quits. Breakups were never easy, but this one was amicable, which softened the blow. But it didn't hurt any less.

"You're married," Chris said, noticing the gold band on Matt's left ring finger.

Matt took a sip of his beer. "Yeah. Jay and I married three years ago."

"I know it's late, but congratulations."

Matt's smile was genuine. "Thanks."

"Do you love him?"

Matt's expression was contemplative for a moment. "Well...he's a good guy. My dad treats him like he's one of the family. I really want to say I love him, but I can't lie." Chris nodded in understanding. He felt the same way about his own life partner. Chris and Matt had too much history to truly let go of each other. "How about you, Chris?"

"I moved in with Evan last year. He's a really sweet kid. He's a theate major. Loves Japanese animae. Every Wednesday night, he insists on sitting down and watching Naruto on Disney XD."

Matt chuckled. "That's kinda like Jay and the Big Bang Theory." A pause. "You guys married?"

"Not yet. I wanna take my music career as far as I can before I make that commitment. I don't wanna feel like I'm short-changing one or the other, you know?" Chris sipped his beer and studied Matt's expression. "The years have been really kind to you, Matt."

A slow smile spread across Matt's face. "Thanks. They've been really kind to you too, Chris. Your eyes are just as blue as I remember them."

"I appreciate that, thanks," Chris said, bashfully. In those blue depths, Matt wasn't sure if he saw gratitude or doubt, and thought he may have hit a sore spot.

He changed the subject. "So how's the band coming along?"

Chris grinned. "We're finally taking off. We're featured on iTunes. We've got the download of the week.

"No way! That's your band?" Matt laughed in surprise. "You band's fantastic! Now I need to download your CD."

"We're getting lots of airplay on the radio here."

"You must be doing really well for yourself."

"I have to be brutally honest. Playing in front of an audience is the best feeling in the world. But traveling is a real pain in the ass."

"But you keep in touch with everyone, right?"

"I wouldn't know what I'd do if I didn't have Twitter, Skype or text messaging. That's how Evan and I stayed in touch on my last tour."

Matt wondered briefly if that kind of technology would have kept him and Chris together if it was available ten years ago. He ditched the thought, realizing that there was no sense dwelling on the past. He knew that he and Chris had a good thing while it lasted, and that they had separate lives now. The same thoughts ran through Chris's head as well. He had no illusions of getting back together. He was going to take this encounter for what it was - a chance meeting with an old flame, and an opportunity to catch up.

Finally, the beers were empty, and Chris and Matt had run out of things to talk about. A comfortable silence passed between the two of them, and Chris took the time to excuse himself politely, gather his groceries, and throw the empty cans in the trash outside. When he got back, he saw Matt talking on a cell phone. "Hi, Babe. Yeah. I'm on my way home. Just ran into an old friend. We're catching up. Yeah, I got everything we need. I'll be home in a few minutes. Love you, too. 'Bye."

"I guess I better get home, Matt."

"Yeah. It's getting late. It was good seeing you again." An few uncomfortable seconds passed before Matt beckoned Chris back into the SUV. "Wait, before you go..."

Gently, Matt took Chris's chin in his hand and leaned forward to give his old flame a gentle kiss that dared absolutely nothing. He pulled back slightly to meet Chris's blue gaze. "Take care of yourself, Chrissy," he whispered, using the pet name he'd used when they were both together."

"You too, Matty." Chris's voice was soft, but thick with emotion. "See you around."

Grocery bags in hand, Chris got out and watched Matt pull out of the parking lot, and for a moment, he was back in school. It was just Chrissy and Matty together and happy, looking forward to the future before the real world interfered and broke them up. A pain filled his chest as he thought of what could have been, but he pushed it aside, finding himself once again in a snowy parking lot. He knew that he and Matt would probably never see each other again, but each had a special place in his heart for the other.

And as Chris turned to make his way back home, the snow slowly turned into rain. It was almost like the sky was shedding the tears Chris had shed long ago for his lost relationship. The lights of Matt's SUV faded off into the distance, and Chris raised one hand in a goodbye wave before he headed down the street. Evan was waiting for him at home, and he didn't want to keep him waiting any longer.  
**NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: Dedicated to the late, great Dan Fogelberg, and the classic holiday song he left us with.**

**REVIEWS = LOVE  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: Just enjoying a lazy day today. BTW, for anyone who's been following my ****_Angel In The Dirt _****series, Book Three will be published sometime after the holidays. **

**_Story Three - Santa Looked A Lot Like Matty_**

**Adam thinks he saw Santa on Christmas Eve. But this Santa isn't exactly how he pictured him. Based on the song "Santa Looked A Lot Like Daddy." Happy Holidays!**

_'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring...except for me, of course!_

Sighing, Adam sat up in bed. It was 2am and he couldn't sleep. He wasn't used to strange beds, and even though the one in Matt's guest bedroom was big and cozy, he couldn't stop tossing and turning. The fact that it was also early Christmas morning didn't help matters much either. He and Jay were spending a few days with Matt and Chris. They'd invited them over, as well as Phil and Jeff, Mark and Evan, and Mor (Matt invited him last minute so he wouldn't be a Christmas orphan). Like the old story went, they were nestled all snug in their beds. Well, everyone except for Adam.

With a huff, Adam turned the covers aside and climbed out of bed, careful not to disturb Jay (like it really mattered, Jay could sleep through a hurricane). Maybe a glass of milk or some hot tea would help him get back to sleep. He knew where everything in the kitchen was, so that wasn't a problem. He clicked on the hallway light and crept slowly down the hall to the downstairs.

Halfway down the steps, Adam saw something that froze him dead in his tracks. His first instinct was to head for the nearest phone to call 911 and report an intruder, but as he studied the strange figure a little more closely. _Hmmm...red suit, carrying a big bag...Holy Smoke! How'd he get in the house? Nobody's gonna believe this!_

Adam dashed back up the stairs and back to the guest bedroom in quiet excitement. "Jay!" he gasped, shaking his boyfriend gently. "Jay! Wake up Jay! Jay!"

Groaning, Jay pried his eyes open, the visions of sugarplums dancing in his head disappearing. "Addy, it's..." he glanced over blearily at the clock on the night stand. "Almost 2:30 in the morning. You'd better have a good reason for getting me up this early."

"I think I saw Santa! He's downstairs!"

That woke Jay up in a hurry. "Santa? Downstairs?"

Adam pulled his boyfriend out of bed. "C'mon. I'll show you."

"How'd he get here? I didn't hear any sleigh bells or see Dancer, Prancer, or the one who's nose lights up on TV." Jay asked, shaking his head as he followed Adam out of the bedroom.

The two of them crept quietly down the hallway and crouched halfway down the stairs, safely hidden from view. Sure enough, a guy in a red suit was pulling packages out of a bag and placing them under the tree. But, upon closer view, Adam and Jay noticed several things that left them perplexed.

"I didn't know Santa shopped at Macy's," Adam whispered. "Or Dillard's, or Hot Topic, for that matter."

"Maybe he stopped over on the way here."

"The malls are all closed, Jay. There's no way he could stop over before coming over here."

"Maybe one of his elves did some last minute shopping," Jay remarked. A pause. "Hey, Addy?"

"Yeah, Jay?"

"Do you think Santa had gastric bypass?"

"Gastric bypass? What are you talking about?"

"I didn't think Santa was that skinny."

"Y'know, maybe he did. He's usually big and he's got a belly that wobbles like Jello when he laughs." Another pause. "Hey, Jay?"

"Yeah, Addy?"

"How do you think he got in the house? There's a fire in the fireplace, so he couldn't have come down the chimney."

"Someone must have let him in and_—holy crap!_ I didn't think Santa played on the same team!"

"Shhhh! You wanna wake up everyone in the—no way! Is he..."

"Yeah."

"Hugging Chris?"

"Yeah. I can't belive Santa swings that way. That so doesn't reek of awesomeness."

"Yeah. Scarred for life. Wait'll Matty finds out that Chris was locked in a passionate embrace with Santa Claus."

"Don't tell him, Jay! You'll break his heart and ruin his Christmas."

"I'll just tell him we saw Santa and leave it at that."

Adam and Jay got up and headed back up the stairs to their room. "You think anyone'll believe us?"

"Are you kidding, Addy? It's freaking Santa Claus. Let's go back to bed. I'm tired."

Adam shook his head. "Didn't think Santa swung that way?"

"Matty, I think they saw us," Chris whispered as he placed the last package under the tree.

Matt, resplendent in a red suit and hat, stood up and stretched, and then helped his boyfriend to his feet. "I think they did. I know they're gonna come down the stairs like a couple of kids shouting that they saw Santa Claus last night."

"You wanna tell 'em tomorrow that it wasn't Santa?"

Matt pulled his boyfriend into an embrace. "Naahh. Let's have a little fun with them first. They probably won't figure it out until New Year's Eve." He chuckled and kissed the top of Chris's head. "Merry Christmas, Chrissy."

"Merry Christmas, Matty."

**NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: I was going to make this Jay and Evan, but a certain Edge muse kept bugging me, and I had to relent. Actually, I think this one reads better.**

**This was inspired by "Santa Looked A Lot Like Daddy," by Brad Paisley or Garth Brooks.**

**REVIEWS = LOVE**


	4. Chapter 4

**NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: Thanks for all the love this collection's been getting. Really makes me smile. I also have a couple of chaptered holiday fic for your reading and reviewing enjoyment. First one's _Mistletoe Kisses,_ featuring my OC, Anna. The second one is _The Lot Across The Street, _which is my holiday version of _The Shop Around The Corner_ and _You've Got Mail._**

_**Story Four - Hey, You! Get Off Of My House!**_

**This one was inspired by the song "Hey You! Get Off Of My House!" by Bob Rivers and Twisted Radio. Enjoy!**

"Someone help me close this window!"

Jeff cocked an eyebrow as he and Adam climbed off the couch to help Matt close the living room window. One of Matt's houseguests had thought it would be a good idea to open it earlier in the day to let a little breeze in. Now, it was sundown on Christmas Eve, and the temperature dropped, allowing a cold wind to blow through the downstairs.

"A little help here!" Under his breath, Matt muttered, "God I wish this snow would stop falling."

"Matty, we're trying," Jeff said. "The window must be froze open or something."

"Well, try harder! I'm freezing my stones here! It must be 99 below outside."

"It can't be that cold," Adam fired back. It took some effort, but the three of them managed to get the frozen window shut. "That was interesting." Adam scowled at Matt. "What are you all pissy about tonight? It's Christmas Eve, Matty. You're oughta be all happy and festive and stuff."

"Sorry. I'm just not feeling very festive right now," Matt sighed as he flopped down on the couch, Adam and Jeff following suit.

Christmas Eve at the Hardy house was pretty joyous this year. Matt's boyfriend Mor and Justin (who'd been invited over so he wouldn't be a Christmas orphan) were in the kitchen making a batch of cookies. Heath and Jay were on the Internet, tracking Santa on the Norad site. Phil and Shannon had gone outside for one last snowball fight before it was time to come back in. Before Matt asked (or demanded) help closing the window, Adam and Jeff had been watching _How The Grinch Stole Christmas_ for the five-hundredth time and sipping hot chocolate. It was a perfect holiday picture.

Well, perfect, except for Matt walking around like he had a bee up his ass.

"I'm just flashing back to last year," Matt sighed. "Remember that fiasco with Miz and the popcorn fight?"

Adam and Jeff nodded. Oh, yes. That was the Christmas when Matt had made the mistake of inviting Miz over for a few days so that he wouldn't be a Christmas orphan. The loudmouth had been making popcorn wreaths with Mor and Phil and had gotten into an argument with them over some petty crap. That led to the three of them chucking popcorn at each other, and it snowballed into a fight where everyone threw the fluffy kernels at each other all over the house. That led to a silent promise by Matt never to invite Miz over to anymore Chrismas get-togethers and popcorn kernels being found in the couch cushions months later.

And to make matters worse, Santa and his reindeer landed so hard on Matt's roof on Christmas Eve, he caused a large crack that cost thousands of dollars to fix.

"That was the worst Christmas ever," said Matt. "I still have nightmares about it."

Jeff patted his brother's shoulder. "Tell me about it," he agreed, nodding.

"What is it with Santa and me?" Matt wondered. "He wakes me up out of bed, breaks into my house, eats all my food and leaves behind a sack of stuff I really don't want. And he causes thousands of dollars in property damage. I swear, Santa must be out to get me or something."

"Speaking of Santa," Heath called out, as he and Jay got off the computer, "NORAD's reporting that Santa has just entered North American airspace."

Matt groaned. "I hope he misses the house tonight."

Heath looked at Matt like he'd just sprouted horns. "WHAT?"

"I didn't mean it that way," Matt backpedaled. "I meant, I hope he doesn't land on top of my house like last year."

Jay nodded. "Oh, yeah. The roof, right?"

"Yeah. The roof." _If Santa pulls that crap again, like he did last year,_ Matt thought to himself, _I swear I'll shoot him down._

Jeff swore he could hear jingle bells outside. A glance at the bedside clock put the time at midnight. He rolled over and nudged Adam awake. "Addy, I think Santa's here."

Adam groaned and opened his eyes. "Cool, let's hope he doesn't land on the roof this year."

"HEY! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING ON TOP OF MY HOUSE, YOU OVERGROWN ELF! GET OFF MY ROOF! TAKE YOUR REINDEER AND FLY OFF SOMEWHERE ELSE!" shouted Matt's voice from outside. "YOU BROKE MY ROOF LAST YEAR! YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS FOR ME TO EXPLAIN THAT TO MY INSURANCE AGENT?"

"I guess he did."

He and Jeff threw on some robes and climbed out of bed to check out the commotion. They weren't the only ones; Justin, Mor, Phil, Shannon, Jay and Heath all had the same idea, as they stumbled out of their respective bedrooms and followed Adam and Jeff.

"IT'S TOO LATE TO BE UP, DAMMIT! I DON'T NEED TOYS! YOU NEVER BRING ME WHAT I ASK FOR ANYWAY!"

"Cranky much?" Justin shook his head.

"Bad experience from last year," Mor tried to explain. "I don't think Matt ever told you about last Christmas, did he?"

"Just about Miz and the popcorn fight. I can't stand sharing a motel room with that loudmouth. And Matt put up with him for a week? I don't envy him a bit."

"LISTEN PAL, I HAVE A SHOTGUN, AND IF YOU DON'T GET OFF MY ROOF, I'LL BLAST YOUR CANDY ASS OUT OF THAT SLED!"

Phil stiffened. "He can't be serious, can he? I heard Matt had a homicidal streak, but this is ridiculous."

Shannon clapped a hand on Phil's shoulder. "I don't think he's serious. But he may get a big lump of coal in his stocking-"

"THAT'S IT! EAT LEAD!"

A series of shotgun blasts caused all the houseguests to jump. Jay put his hand on his chest. "I think you spoke to soon."

Then, there was more commotion outside; crashing, shouting, and stuff breaking.

"MATTY!" Jeff charged out of the house, followed by Adam, Phil and Shannon, Mor and Justin, with Jay and Heath bringing up the rear. They all ran around to the backyard and came across an unforgettable sight.

A big red sleigh lay in a broken mess on the ground, and a tangled mob of reindeer lay in the snow, trying to get up. A big fat guy in a red suit rolled around on the ground, groaning in obvious pain. Nearby lay a red velvet sack, with the contents spilled out. It took a moment for it to all register.

Matt put the shotgun down on the porch. "I warned him to get off my roof. But did he listen?"

"Holy Crap, Matt!" Jay exclaimed shaking his head.

Justin's eyes were wide. "Matty! You shot Santa Claus!" he gasped.

"Hey, don't freak. I only winged him. He'll limp a little, but he'll be fine." Matt glanced over his shoulder at the crashed sled and fallen sack. "Hey, guys, let's go see what's in the bag." That was followed by a slap to the top of his head by Adam. "Ow! What?"

"Matt, you dolt! That's Santa Claus!"

"Well, he never gave me anything I wanted. Maybe this time I'll be lucky."

**NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: I couldn't resist putting Justin in this one, he doesn't get enough attention. Also, the original work had Jay paired up with Evan; oh how times have changed.**

**BTW, I know Matty may be out of character in this one, but I had to make him snarky or this wouldn't work. Besides, Matty muse was being kinda cranky today anyway *gets slapped upside the head* OW! What was THAT for?**

**Matty muse: That's for calling me cranky! Hmmph! *folds arms***

**No Santas were harmed in the writing of this fic.**


	5. Chapter 5

**NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: The bet-gone-wrong/cross-dress scene was inspired by the one-shot called Pretty Problems, which is written by Damaged Dementia/Seraphalexiel, and can be found in her work called Hot One Shots.**

_**Story Five - Alcohol**_

**Loosely inspired by the song "Walkin' "Round In Women's Underwear" by Bob Rivers and Twisted Radio, as well as the song "Alcohol" by Brad Paisley, and _Pretty Problems _(a _Hot One Shots_ chapter) by Damaged Dementia/Seraphalexiel.**

"It's kinda chilly in here, Phil." Mark set a neatly wrapped package in my lap. "I know it's not Christmas Day yet, but I thought you could use this right now."

"Hey, thanks." I said, carefully removing the blue and silver paper and lifting the lid. My eyes widened when I saw what was nestled in the tissue paper. "Mark! I've been wanting one of these for months!" I squeaked, lifting up the yellow hoodie with the vintage Pepsi logo embroidered across the front. "How the hell did you find this?"

"Ebay had the last one," Mark said, as I slipped the hoodie on. Perfect fit, and warm enough to stave off the chill in the rec room in Matt's house. "By the way, check the pockets."

I did and squealed in delight. "No way Dude! Pepsi lip balm?"

"Just gives us another reason to make out." Mark chuckled.

I sighed and snuggled up to my life partner. Mark and I have been together for two years. Our relationship had everyone scratching their heads at first, but after a while, nobody on the roster could imagine us not being together. I could give you a laundry list of things I love about Mark, but one thing stands out in my mind above everything else. He respects my lifestyle.

I'm Straightedge. No drinking alcohol, no smoking, and no illegal drugs. I know Mark likes his alcohol, but he doesn't drink around me, which I appreciate. He talks me down when I get too self-righteous, which makes for a much more relaxed locker room. Sure, I'll extoll the virtues of being Straightedge to anyone who'll listen, but I don't shove it down everyone's throat like I used to.

Which begs the question, What's a Straightedge guy and his boyfriend doing in a den of iniquity, also known as Matt Hardy and John Morrison's Christmas party? Simple, we'd been invited. Matt and I were friends, Jeff and I used to date until he took up with Adam (still can't believe Jeff chose him over me!), and Mark knew pretty much everyone. We were practically family. The music was great, the food was always fantastic (Mor knew his way around a kitchen!) and the decorations were gorgeous. What other reasons would I need.?

Actually, there is one that I don't share with anyone, not even Mark. I like coming to these parties because it re-affirms my reasons for being Straightedge. Alcohol makes you do weird things, and when I watch some guy put a lampshade on their head or jump up on a table and dance, I laugh to myself and think, "Thank God I don't do that stuff!" As far as I'm concerned, drinking leads to DUI's, broken relationships, trips to rehab or the ER (take your pick) and all around heartache, and I want to avoid that as much as possible.

"You wanna make a phone call?"

I looked up. Shannon was holding out what looked like an old style cell phone. This game I was familiar with. The "phone" was actually full of cheap-ass vodka that got passed around from guest to guest and passed off as the expensive stuff.

I shook my head politely. "Naah, I'm good. Thanks."

Shannon shrugged. "S'cool. More for everyone else then."

I lay my head on Mark's shoulder and watched Shannon disappear into the crowd.

"Hey, Phil, " Mark whispered in my ear. "You wanna ditch this party and go somewhere more private? Perhaps you can try out that new lip gloss."

"We just got here like an hour ago. Besides, I haven't seen Matt yet. Mor said he had a special surprise for everyone."

"I'm not doing this!" I recognized Matt's voice from the outside. It was faint, but I was able to hear after craning my neck slightly.

"You have to follow through, Matty. You can't renege on a bet." That was Adam. "Now hold still, your lipstick's fading."

I cocked an eyebrow. Lipstick? This was going to be interesting.

"Why couldn't you have lost, Adam? You would have looked prettier."

"Matt, if I'd lost this bet, I'd have to go through with it, just like you. There, now it's perfect."

"How was I supposed to know that Hunter would be such a lightweight, and that Randy would drink him under the table?"

"Matt, your nose is shiny. Hold still." I recognized Jay's voice.

"Aach! Get that powder puff away from me Jay!"

"Matty, Adam insisted that I drop by and make sure you didn't back down at the last minute,"

"If you guys loved me, you wouldn't make me do this."

"I guess he doesn't," Jay laughed. "Straighten that skirt out. You're crooked." A pause. "There. You're now officially perfect."

I heard Matt huff loudly, and then I heard the door open.

Jay poked his head through the doorway and whistled sharply through his fingers to get everyone's attention. "Okay, guys!" he announced, stepping inside. "As you may or may not know, Matt lost a drunken bet last night between Hunter and Randy, and we all made the discovery that Hunter, in spite of him being the King of Kings and the Cerebral Assassin, is a lightweight. As a result, Matt's got a new outfit that he'd like to show us. So, for the benefit of those with flash photography, take pictures now!"

Everyone in the rec room cheered as Matt walked in slowly and trudged to the middle of the room, wearing a black trenchcoat that came down to his ankles. His face was flushed with embarassment, and I could see eye shadow on his lids and bright red lipstick on his lips. Adam brought up the rear, I suspect to make sure Matt didn't turn tail and run.

I glanced over at Matt, then at Mark. "I don't remember Matt being so tall."

Mark snickered. "He's not . Look what's on his feet."

I glanced down. "Holy crap! Are those stilettos?"

"I'm surprised he hasn't fallen down yet."

Then, without warning, Adam yanked Matt's coat off, and everyone busted up in laughter, wolf whistles and catcalls. I could have sworn that I saw a few digital cameras go off as well.

Poor Matt was wearing a hot pink cami top with lace and sequins up the front and sparkly spaghetti straps. The vinyl skirt barely reached mid-thigh and revealed legs encased in black fishnet stockings. His black patent stilettos had six -inch metal heels and had little gold charms on the back. Matt looked like he'd gone full bore with this; it wouldn't have surprised me if Matt was wearing a thong underneath.

_Nothing positive about that visual!_ I thought, shaking my head to erase the mental image. _Must rid head of image of Matt in a thong!_

"You look lovely, dahhhling!" Shannon hollered. "You need some makeup, Buddy?"

"Shut up!"

"Wow! You pulled it off better than I thought!"

"That color pink is perfect on you!" someone else said, but I couldn't tell who because everyone was laughing so hard.

I couldn't help myself. "Oh, Matty! What that miniskirt does for that lovely ass of yours." I shouted.

"Knock it off, Punk!" Matt looked like his face was in flames.

Pretty soon Mark and I joined everyone in the mirth, and we both laughed until tears were streaming down our cheeks. "I'm sorry, Matt!" I offered in way of an apology. "It's just that I never pegged you as the type to dress in drag."

"And it's the only time you'll ever see me in drag." Matt flopped down on the couch next to us. "Of all the times I had to lose on a bet..."

"And that's why I don't drink," I said. "It just leads to people embarrassing the hell out of themselves."

"Don't get all self righteous with me now, Phil. I'm not in the mood."

"Hey Matty, I'm not getting all self righteous. Just stating a fact."

"Sorry."

Mark tapped me on the shoulder. "New arrivals, Babe."

I glanced over. Sure enough, Jeff made a fashionably late entrance (as always), and he was now throwing his arms around Adam's shoulders. "Those two are joined at the hip now, aren't they?"

"Any closer and they'd have to be surgically separated," Matt sighed.

They strolled past our couch and I could hear Jeff say, "...I was gonna wear that new cami top I got last week, but I couldn't find it anywhere. It was bright pink with lace on the front and sequins, and it had..." Jeff's voice trailed off as he caught a glimpse of his older brother. "Rhinestone spaghetti...straps..." He paused, and then snorted and busted up laughing. "Matty! I didn't think you had it in you!"

"Go away!" Matt spat, doing that glare thing he was so awesome at.

As Jeff and Adam walked away, still laughing, I turned back to Matt, who had his head in his hands.

"I'll never make another drunk bet again," he sighed.

"So, do you have to wear this all night?"

"All night." Matt glanced down at his feet. "Help me out of these shoes guys. I can tolerate a skirt and cami, but I'm drawing the line with the shoes. My feet are killing me!"

**NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: Awww, Dammit Punk! Why'd you have to hijack this one?**

**Punk Muse: Sorry! I couldn't help myself.**

**The vodka trick was seen on one of the episodes of The Hardy Show (can't remember which one right off the top of my head) where Matt fills up a cell phone decanter full of some cheap vodka you get in the plastic bottles and passes it to his guests at his Christmas party.**

**BTW, this is the only time I'm ever going to cross-dress Matt in a fanfic.**


	6. Chapter 6

**NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: Thanks for all the love this series has been getting. In this installment, Jay (Christian) and my OC Anna are married with a son and two daughters; Dania (11, and BTW, her name is pronounced DON-ya), Jakeob (8) and Martina (5). Adam and Jeff are here with their daughter, Natasha. It's Christmas morning, and the gift exchange is underway.**

**DISCLAIMERS: Not mine (except for Anna and the kids). The Bundys appear courtesy of Married With Children. Bud and Kelly's kids and Kelly's husband appear courtesy of the late, great George Carlin. Story is inspired by the song of the same name by the Bob Rivers Comedy Troupe.**

_**Story Six - Didn't I Get This Last Year?**_

Anna squealed as she opened the little velvet box containing a diamond and white gold journey pendant. "Jay! I love it! It's beautiful! Thankyouthankyouthankyouthan kyou!"

"I knew you'd love it," Jay grinned before his wife threw her arms around him and nearly knocked him over. "Ooof! Careful!"

"Sorry, Babe." Anna blushed. "Help me put this on please?"

"Of course." Jay carefully draped the necklace around his wife's neck and secured it. The diamonds twinkled brightly, earning a few _ooh's_ and _aah's_ from their kids and their houseguests.

It was Christmas morning at the Reso house, and the celebration was in full swing. The place was decked out in bright holiday decorations (LED lights, cute ornaments on the tree, wall to wall Christmas cards and an inflatable Santa in an RV in the front yard). Christmas cookies and snacks were set out in easy to reach locations. A Christmas feast was in the kitchen, ready to be prepared (all Anna needed was an hour—if Rachael Ray could put together Christmas dinner in an hour, well dammit, so could she!). Funny Christmas songs played off of an iPod connected to speakers provided festive background noise. It was the perfect scene of holiday merriment and togetherness.

And to top it off, it was now time for the annual gift exchange. According to tradition, the youngest in the family had the honor of handing out the gifts, so Jakeob, Martina, and Natasha fluttered around like blonde snowflakes in cozy jammies, handing out brightly wrapped packages and handing the bows to the cats, who were having a field day playing with them. Dania, the oldest (who was just as blonde as her younger siblings), was seated next to her Uncle Adam, showing him how to work his new Kindle Fire.

Martina picked up a wrapped package and set it in front of her brother. "That's to you from Aunt Louise."

Jakeob plopped down on the floor next to his parents and peeled the wrapping paper off the package. He could tell right away what it was by the shape of the box. "Didn't I get this last year from Aunt Louise?" he frowned. "Same thing every year. Some socks and some tiny BVDs that I can't get up past my knees. Can I return them please?"

Jay gazed over his son's shoulder. "There's a gift receipt," he pointed out. "Day after tomorrow, we'll take these back and get you something really nice."

Jakeob grinned as his dad affectionately ruffled his hair. The thought of trading this gift in for a DVD or a new set for his Lego City kit made the day a little better. "Cool. Thanks, Dad," he said, happily scooting back to the tree.

"Let's hope she didn't get those on Clearance," Jay muttered, under his breath, as Natasha crawled over with a package labeled, To: Uncle Jay, From: Natasha.

"Open this one first, Uncle Jay!" she squeaked as she dropped the package into her uncle's lap.

Carefully, Jay opened the package, making sure to toss the bow to the passel of cats who looked like they were having a little more fun than their owners. "Oh, thanks, Tasha," he grinned, as the little girl scampered away to play with her new dolls.

Once his niece was out of earshot, Jay turned to his wife. "Didn't I get this last year?"

Anna fixed her husband with a stern look. "Try to act surprised, Babe," she said.

"But I got this last year. A tie that's about as wide as that throw rug on the floor."

"Aww, it's not _that_ big, Jay."

"I know, but look at this pattern, Babe. It's way out of style." Natasha was too busy playing with her Disney Princess doll set (a gift from Santa Claus) and cuddling the soft-bodied Sleeping Beauty doll to notice the complaining.

Sighing, Jay stretched and climbed off the couch. "I'm gonna get more coffee. You guys want anything?" After a few polite replies in the negative, Jay made a graceful retreat to the kitchen.

Martina peered over at her cousin, who looked happy and content as she played with her new dolls. "Can I play with Rapunzel?"

Anna fixed her youngest with a firm gaze. "What's the magic word, Marti?"

"Please?"

Natasha nodded and handed her cousin the Rapunzel doll. "Okay. Just don't lose any parts." Martina grinned and picked up the doll and a comb.

"Jeff," Anna wondered. "Was that really a legitimate gift for Jay. I doubt very seriously that Jay's gonna wear that tie."

"It's just a gag gift," Jeff reassured her.

"Tasha knows Jay would never wear something that hideous," Adam pointed out. He frowned at the screen of his new e-reader. "Dania, how do I know that the book downloaded?"

The eldest Reso kid sighed and gave her mom a beleaguered look before turning back to her technologically inept uncle. Anna nodded in understanding. Dania was a techno-geek like both of her parents; consequently, she was usually the one who was asked to fix anything remotely computerized. Unfortunately, like her parents, she also had little patience and had to work hard to keep her frustration in check.

Natasha glanced up from her new dolls and smirked. "We got a tie that was so ugly, we knew he'd never wear it."

"The three of us got Jay an iPad," Jeff explained.

Dania's eyes lit up at the mention of the gift. _"An iPad-"_

"SHHHH! You don't wanna spoil the surprise."

"Sorry."

"He's going to flip," Anna smiled. "And no, Dania. You cannot play with it."

"Aww, but Mom-"

_"No."_ Dania's mom was adamant. "Just because we're gonna have an iPad in the house doesn't mean you have permission to play with it. You have to ask your dad first." A pause. "Besides, you have your own Kindle Fire from last year, and it's a perfectly good piece of electronics."

Dania nodded in mild disappointment and turned back to her technologically inept uncle. "See, there's the Device tab. You tap it, and there's your book..."

Jay returned with his coffee, and the adults sat and chatted a while as the younger kids passed around and opened up more gifts. Jakeob's disappointment over the underwear gift was made up for by the Lego City truck kit that Santa Claus brought him. Martina got her own set of Disney Princess dolls, and Dania got a new iPod Nano and a gift card to the iTunes store.

Of course, Jay was over the moon after unwrapping the iPad (luckily, he didn't need any help turning it on, and he was gracious enough to let everyone have a turn with it, even his technology-challenged surrogate brother, with help from his eldest).

After the gifts were unwrapped and the trash swept up (even the bows the cats were playing with), Anna put her hand on her daughter's shoulder. "Dania, can you get that gift bag from the hall closet and our coats. We're gonna visit Peg and Al across the street."

"Sure!" Dania hopped off the couch and headed for the closet where the coats were kept, along with a gift bag containing a soup and bread set (courtesy of Walmart).

Was she imagining things or did Anna see a look of relief in her older daughter's eyes? She wouldn't have been surprised if she did; after spending most of the morning trying to tutor someone so inept on the finer points of using an e-reader, Anna would have been relieved to go _anyplace_.

After she and her daughter were bundled up and out the door, Adam stretched out on the loveseat next to his husband. "How many carats were in that necklace you gave your wife?"

"Half a carat," Jay said. "I was gonna get her a pendant with blue zircon to match her eyes, but I couldn't find one. I figured diamonds would match her outfits better."

"Practical," Adam nodded, gazing down at Natasha and her cousin, who played quietly with their new dolls, and at his nephew, who was engrossed with his new Lego set.

Jeff rolled his eyes. "Blizzard Blue, right?"

"You remember the pickup line." Jay smirked, as Jeff and Adam chuckled in amusement. It was at a WWE Christmas party that Jay met the woman who would become his wife. Jay had just started out in the company, and Anna was tagging along with the Hardys, who considered her their surrogate kid sister. Jay had been smitten with her the moment he lay eyes on her, and it was at the catering table where he delivered the pickup line that started it all: _"Do you remember playing with Crayola Crayons when you were a kid? They used to have this color...Blizzard Blue. It was my favorite color and I could never figure out why. But I just realized why, your eyes...they're Blizzard Blue."_

Anna had been flattered, and she and Jay married a year and a half later. Twelve years and three kids later, they were still as much in love as they were when they first got together.

After some more cordial chat (and Jay tinkering with Adam's new Kindle), Anna and Dania returned to the house. "Thanks, Peg!" Anna called out from the front porch. "Merry Christmas, and tell Al hi for us." Mother and daughter hung up their coats, and Dania set a box of cookies and a garish-looking gift bag down on the coffee table. "Look what Mrs. Bundy made us."

"Store bought cookies again?" Jay cocked an eyebrow.

"Not this time." Dania grinned and grabbed a handful to give to the other kids.

"Homemade spumoni cookies," Anna explained, taking her place on the couch next to her husband. "Chocolate chip with dried cranberries and pistachios. They're actually really good."

"Dammit, they are!" Jeff exclaimed, sampling one.

Adam smacked his significant other on the arm. "Language!" He paused. "So what's up with the Bundys?"

"Bud's son, Todd, is in the seventh grade now, and he's in the cheese club."

"Cheese club? Don't you mean chess club?"

"No, cheese club. He and a bunch of other kids visited a nursing home and handed out cheese baskets to the residents. Anyway, Kelly's daughter, Giselle, is five, and already she's had nine periods. She and Dart are taking her to an endocrinologist next week. Johann is eleven now, and he pretty much sits around the house hallucinating all the time when he's not in school. He's getting a full psychiatric evaluation at the beginning of the year."

"Can't believe that."

"Can't believe what? That the kids are needing medical care?"

"No. That Kelly Bundy is actually MARRIED." Adam was genuinely shocked. 'I guess she finally got lucky when she walked into the locker room naked wearing a sign around her neck that read, S-O-P-E."

"Oh, behave!" Jay fired back. "Dart Donneker's a successful toy salesman. Kelly actually married up."

"And that name? D'artagnan?" Jeff couldn't help but chuckle. He thought his middle name was odd enough. "What were his parents smoking when they picked out that name?"

Dania pulled something out of the obnoxious gift bag. "Hey, look what they gave us."

Jay frowned. "A plant, in a moldy mayonnaise jar. They must have dug one up from their yard."

Anna smacked her husband on the arm. "Oh, be nice! At least Peg and Al are considerate enough to think of us. Dania, would you be a dear and set that in the kitchen? And there's a red envelope on the counter next to the microwave. Can you bring that out here?"

"Sure." Dania couldn't stop the grin that tweaked across her lips. She knew what was in the envelope, and so did her siblings.

Setting the plant on the windowsill above the sink (she and her mom would put it into a proper pot and take care of it until it was healthy enough to be planted out back to join the rest of Peg and Al's Christmas gifts), she reached for the envelope and almost skipped out of the kitchen.

"Dad?" she announced, as she returned to the living room. "I think this is for you."

The kids on the floor squeaked in joy and rushed to sit by their dad, their new toys momentarily forgotten. "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Jay!" they all squeaked. "Open it! Open it!"

Jay took the envelope from his older daughter's outstretched hand. "Didn't I get this last year, Guys?" he asked, a twinkle in his eye. "You know what, though? If I got this last year, it's okay. Because this is exactly what I want, just as much as last year."

A smile creased Jay's lips as he opened the envelope and pulled out its contents. "Surprise, surprise, a gift card for Five Guys Burgers." He motioned for the kids and his wife to scoot a little closer, and then moved in for a group hug. His voice sounded genuinely happy. "That was really thoughtful, you guys. Thank you."

"Merry Christmas, Daddy."

"Merry Christmas, Uncle Jay."

"Merry Christmas to you guys too."

Adam and Jeff were grinning, and both of them gave Jay an exaggerated _Awwwww! _Anna threw her house guests a look that could peel paint.

"Sorry," Jeff offered, in way of apology. "We couldn't resist. Merry Christmas, you guys."

"Behave! Or you get no dinner. Speaking of which..." Anna removed herself from the group hug and climbed to her feet. "It's time to get dinner started. And by being obnoxious, you and Adam have volunteered to help me cook. Let's get cracking. I have a beef tenderloin in the fridge that won't cook itself..."

**THE END**

**NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: I guess the moral of the story is this—if you're going to give someone the same gift each year, make it a gift that means something, and that the recipient can use and appreciate. I give my stepmom Primo perfume (Giorgio knockoff from Parfums De Coeur) each year, and I know she always appreciates it.**

**The dolls mentioned in the story are from the Disney Princess Special Princess Day set. The Sleeping Beauty one is a cuddly, soft-bodied doll that you can sleep with at night. I like the idea of Adam and Jeff's little girl and Jay and Anna's youngest being all ga-ga over Disney Princess stuff. And Dania's like me at that age, gifted and talented and technically adept.**

**Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa...whatever you celebrate this time of year, I hope it's full of plenty of cheer and good memories!**

**REVIEWS = LOVE**


	7. Chapter 7

**NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: Last installment of Holiday One-shots! Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed. BTW, feel free to check out my other work and leave me a review or two or six!**

**Anyway, here's a few holiday flavored texts for your reading enjoyment:)**

_**Story Seven – TFLN Wrestling Style – The Holiday Edition!**_

**Disclaimers: Not mine (except for Anna). Ryan Shamrock is Ken Shamrocks kayfabe baby sister. Other OC's appear courtesy of their respective authors. BTW, this story was posted before the Shield breakup. **

**TFLN Wrestling Style, Holiday Edition**

**Keyword: CHRISTMAS**

**To: Matt Hardy  
From: Shannon Moore**  
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.

**To: Twitter  
From: Eva Marie**  
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.

**To: Twitter  
From: Kelly Kelly**  
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?

**To: Rob Van Dam  
From: Mr. Anderson**  
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?

**To: Anna Hollenbeck  
From: Maryse  
Subject: Miz**  
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.  
**To: Maryse  
From: Anna Hollenbeck**  
and then ...  
**To: Anna Hollenbeck  
From: Maryse**  
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut

**To: Twitter  
From: Ryan Shamrock**  
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms

**To: Twitter  
From: AJ Lee**  
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attached. Also, Merry Christmas.

**To: Jeff Hardy  
From: Edge**  
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...

**To: Connor Lawson  
From: Cooper Lawson**  
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.

**To: Jeff Hardy  
From: Edge  
Subject: Threesome with Jericho and Christian**  
We were supposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning

**To: JBL  
From: Michael Cole**  
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.

**To: Twitter  
From: Heath Slater**  
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers

**To: Farooq  
From: Bradshaw**  
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.

**To: Steve Austin  
From: APA  
Subject: Shawn Michaels**  
Shawn got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.

**To: Twitter  
From: Brian Kendrick**  
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.

**To: Luke &amp; Erick  
From: Bray Wyatt  
**i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.

**To: Twitter  
From: Anna Hollenbeck**  
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud:)

**To: Heath &amp; Jinder  
From: Drew McIntyre**  
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit

**To: Twitter  
From: Christian  
Subject: Trish Stratus**  
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.

**To: Chris Jericho  
From: Fandango**  
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.

**To: Twitter  
From: Christian**  
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student

**To: Tommy Dreamer  
From: Scott Levy (Raven)**  
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.

**To: Ryan Shamrock  
From: Anna Hollenbeck**  
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish

**To: Brie Bella  
From: Natalya**  
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.

**To: Christian  
From: Trish Stratus**  
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"

**To: Twitter  
From: Steve Austin**  
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.

**To: Twitter  
From: Rob Van Dam**  
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"

**To: Twitter  
From: James Lawson**  
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"...successful drunk Christmas shopping

**To: Twitter  
From: Rob Van Dam**  
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas

**To: Maryse  
From: Miz**  
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head

**To: Twitter  
From: Edge**  
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.

**To: Matt Hardy  
From: Christian  
Subject: Anna Hollenbeck**  
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party

**To: Twitter  
From: John Morrison  
Subject: CM Punk**  
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer

**To: Twitter  
From: Bray Wyatt**  
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.

**To: Lita  
From: Anna Hollenbeck  
Subject: Anna's Date**  
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree...not great but still made the cut.

**To: Twitter  
From: Jeff Hardy**  
im spending all my christmas money on new years paraphernalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning

**To: Twitter  
From: Stephanie McMahon**  
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass

**To: The Hardyz  
From: The APA**  
of course we have a beer bong  
**To: The Hardyz  
From: The APA**  
how else would we feed our christmas tree

**To: Chris Sabin  
From: Alex Shelley**  
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?

**To: Seth &amp; Roman  
From: Dean**  
This dude is being a total douche  
**To: Dean  
From: Seth &amp; Roman**  
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps.

**To: Dolph Ziggler  
From: AJ Lee**  
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over here and FUCK. ME. NOW.

**To: Summer Rae  
From: Fandango**  
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon

**To: Twitter  
From: Mickie James**  
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.

**To: Christian  
From: Edge  
Subject: Jeff Hardy**  
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.

**To: CM Punk  
From: Daniel Bryan  
Subject: Brie Bella**  
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.

**To: Antonio Cessaro  
From: Jack Swagger**  
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am

**To: Matt Hardy  
From: Shannon Moore**  
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.

**To: Twitter  
From: Bradshaw**  
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies

**To: Jinder  
From: Heath &amp; Drew**  
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.

**To: Cooper Lawson  
From: James Lawson &amp; Undertaker**  
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.

**To: Matt Hardy  
From: Edge  
Subject: Jeff Hardy**  
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.

**To: Twitter  
From: Kaitlyn**  
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas

**To: Shannon Moore  
From: Anna Hollenbeck**  
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?  
**(SIDEBAR: I amazon dot commed all my gifts this week. I'm on top of my sh*t!)  
To: Anna Hollenbeck  
From: Shannon Moore**  
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.

**To: Stephanie McMahon  
From: Lita**  
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.

**To: Chris Jericho  
From: Christian**  
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?

**To: Twitter  
From: James Lawson**  
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.

**To: Anna Hollenbeck  
From: Ryan Shamrock  
Subject: Val Venis**  
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.

**To: Twitter  
From: Connor Lawson**  
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month

**To: Jeff Hardy  
From: Edge**  
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?

**To: Ric Flair  
From: AJ Styles**  
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.

**To: Twitter  
From: Matt Hardy  
Subject: Annual Christmas Party**  
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid

**To: The Undertaker  
From: James Lawson**  
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me...too ghetto?

**To: Justin Gabriel  
From: Wade Barrett**  
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET

**To: Twitter  
From: E &amp; C**  
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram

**To: Twitter  
From: Chris Jericho**  
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.

**To: Anna Hollenbeck  
From: Christian**  
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie

**To: Twitter  
From: Heath Slater**  
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.

**To: Anna Hollenbeck  
From: Mindy Stratus  
SUBJECT: James Lawson**  
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."

**To: Zeb Colter  
From: Jack Swagger**  
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.

**To: Twitter  
From: Lita**  
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.

**To: Trish Stratus  
From: Mickie James  
Subject: Last Night's Party**  
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"  
**To: Trish Stratus  
From: Mickie James**  
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.

**To: Twitter  
From: Randy Orton**  
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg

**To: Christian  
From: Chris Jericho**  
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.  
**To: Chris Jericho  
From: Christian**  
I could have done it in 2

**To: Twitter  
From: Seth Rollins  
Subject: Practical joke played on him by Dean &amp; Roman**  
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.

**To: Anna Hollenbeck  
From: AJ Lee  
Subject: CM Punk**  
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.  
**To: AJ Lee  
From: Anna Hollenbeck**  
Marry him. Now.

**To: Twitter  
From: Rob Van Dam**  
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.

**To: Twitter  
From: Michael Cole**  
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!

**To: Twitter  
From: Evan Bourne (college)**  
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better

**To: Twitter  
From: Matt Hardy**  
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.

**To: Bradshaw  
From: Steve Austin**  
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.

**To: Farooq  
From: Bradshaw**  
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.

**To: CM Punk  
From: Colt Cabana**  
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!

**To: Trish Stratus  
From: Lita**  
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?

**To: HHH  
From: X-Pac**  
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.  
**To: X-Pac  
From: HHH**  
It's 2 pm...

**To: Rob Van Dam  
From: Chris Sabin**  
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.

**To: Anna Hollenbeck  
From: Seth Rollins  
Subject: The Shield's Christmas Party**  
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.

**To: John Cena**  
**From: Randy Orton**  
**Subject: Cody Rhodes**  
He's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.

**To: Twitter  
From: Ryan Shamrock**  
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.

**To: Twitter  
From: Chris Jericho**  
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.

**To: Everyone on their phone lists  
From: Matt &amp; Jeff Hardy**  
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.

**NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: Not much, but until next year...HAPPY FREAKIN' HOLIDAYS!;)**

**REVIEWS = LOVE**


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